i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I am midnight drunk by noon
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
