Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
