she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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