My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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