in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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