i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
