the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
