I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
