Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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