she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
