Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
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my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
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I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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