You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
