chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
