and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Randomize
