I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
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