Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
