apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
