Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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