Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
