I'm so fucking centered right now
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
You ruined the universe
Randomize
