atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
