I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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