Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
