that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
