the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i out mim tonsoeep
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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