I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Randomize
