Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
This baby is an asshole
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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