so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sober January is a disaster.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
