I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
