hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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