There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
