If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize