She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
