Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
