please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
