May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
