this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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