I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
