I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
