Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
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