dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
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mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
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You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
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