1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Of course I have a pirate flag
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
