We're facebook friends in real life
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Randomize
