I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
