We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
