I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
