Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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