were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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