I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
