Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize