I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
