we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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