What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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