I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
