I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
