Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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