I'm so fucking centered right now
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
